


House of Leaves

by voleuse



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-06-28
Updated: 2004-06-28
Packaged: 2017-10-06 09:52:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voleuse/pseuds/voleuse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Time to gather up the splinters</em>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	House of Leaves

**Author's Note:**

> Post-S6 AU. Title, summary, and headings taken from Poe's "Haunted."

_i. can you tell me where I am_

In the months after Anya's death, Tara makes Xander hot chocolate every evening.

_Willow killed Anya on the floor of Buffy's kitchen, had snatched the Scoobies from their places to the Summers house with a wave of her hand. She had used Anya's blood to heal Tara's bullet-wounds. _

Drunk on the power, she turned to Dawn next, snarling about the blood of gods and demons.   
Buffy, wounded herself, used the last of her strength to plunge a dagger into Willow's chest, crying as if it was her own heart that had been cleaved in two.

Giles had said something about being too late, when he arrived for the funerals, but Xander hadn't been in any state to pay attention.

_A stunning explosion in residential Sunnydale_, the newspaper had labeled the incident. Tara, it turns out, knew more spells that she had let on previously.

_ii. I need to get my bearings_

Giles brings them to England, Xander and Tara and Dawn, and lets them grieve there, away from the Magic Box and Sunnydale and the high school; everything stained with blood and memory.

He sets Xander up in a flat, and finds another for Dawn and Tara as well, near to the university into which Tara is accepted, quite quickly. It's not an _ordinary_ university, and Dawn calls it "Watcher U" with typical irreverence, hauntingly familiar.

In the morning, Tara drops Dawn off at Council headquarters for private tutoring, then she heads to the university for a class or two, depending on the day of the week. In the afternoon, she and Dawn explore London's shops and museums and alleys, learning as much as they can. On weekends, they take trips to the countryside, or visit the theatre.

And Tara makes Xander hot chocolate every evening.

_iii. the shadows keep on changing_

Over his rickety kitchen table, Xander tells her about his day, which usually consists of waking up later than usual, picking up three different newspapers and a cup of coffee from a nearby vendor, and reading outside until he can't bear the overwhelming evidence of people living their lives.

Then, he comes home, has another cup of coffee, Irish, and tries not to brood too much.

He has a job, watcher-in-training, waiting for him whenever he feels up to it, but so far Giles hasn't pushed him, and he hasn't felt like taking up the mantle. Not yet. Not so soon.

He can see the future in a cup of cocoa, though, and one night he sets his mug down and asks Tara how her day has been.

_iv. the lives that wove the web_

In the following weeks, over several cups of cocoa, and once a cup of Irish coffee for both of them, Xander tells Tara the names of everyone he knew that died in Sunnydale. Each name comes with a story.

After a while, Dawn starts tagging along, and sharing her own names. As does Giles.

They never run out of names. It's an endless litany, but they don't cry anymore. They can't, not when they remember the way Larry had, awkwardly, asked Xander to the prom, or how Dr. Gregory had pantomimed the life cycle of a mayfly.

The way Janice had taught Dawn how to use eye makeup, and Diedre's insistence that Giles go to rock concerts with her and pretend he was her boyfriend.

How Jessica, Tara's roommate from freshman year, had juggled eggs when she didn't want to study trig.

They don't mention the ways any of them died. A fatal blow from the Mayor's initial ascendance. A vicious beheading from a monstrous insect. A random vampire attack in the Bronze. A demonic curse. A mugging gone wrong.

They save the hardest names for last.

Joyce. Tara's mother. Jenny Calendar.

Anya. Willow. Buffy.

_v. I know it's hard to believe_

The litany ended, things go back to normal, with Tara and Xander communing over hot chocolate and marshmallows. This time around, however, they no longer fumble for small talk. They just _talk_. About politics, about television shows, about childhood memories. Whatever comes to mind.

"...of course, my cousin Beth told everyone how she had caught me and Petey Jenkins making out behind the biology building, and I got grounded for a month."

Xander's nodding along with Tara's story, smiling widely, but at the name "Petey Jenkins," he chokes on his Ovaltine.

Tara slows her story to a halt as she grabs a paper towel. "You okay, Xander?"

"I--" Xander wipes off the table, puts his mug in the sink. "Petey? Should I assume that's a cutesy nickname for..." He trails off at Tara's amused expression. "What?"

"For Peter," Tara says, the name bold, italicized, and underlined. "A boy."

_vi. so many splintered trees_

Xander glosses over the Peter question that night, though Tara keeps shooting him odd looks. He doesn't mention it the next night, or the next night after that, but he starts noticing what Tara's wearing, and making sure he's put deodorant on, and things that he usually does if there's a _girl_ around.

He'd forgotten. After the first time he realized that she and Willow were, _you know_, he'd pasted a very large **Unavailable** stamp on the Tara-file in his head.

A few weeks later, Xander mentions an upcoming movie that he'd like to see.

"We should go see it," Tara responds promptly.

He agrees, and she looks up the times in the newspaper.

After she leaves, it hits him like a bulldozer.

Are they going on a _date_?

_vii. one more look at the ghost_

Over the phone, they agree to meet at the cinema, but when Xander gets there, both Tara and Dawn are waiting on the sidewalk.

He's not sure whether he feels relieved or not.

They buy a gigantic tub of popcorn and manage to find almost-primo seats in the center. Tara and Dawn sit on either side of Xander, relegating him to popcorn-holder.

It's a science fiction movie (none of them can bring themselves to watch horror movies anymore), heavy on the explosions, and Dawn's soon hugging the tub of popcorn as a comfort blanket.

On his left side, Xander's hand accidentally brushes Tara's. He apologizes, hoping that his blush isn't visible in the flickering light, but she smiles at him. Slips her hand inside his, and clasps.

They hold hands throughout the rest of the movie, and if Dawn notices, she doesn't say a word.

_viii. build a casket for my tears_

The next week, one year after they all died (it's easier when he thinks of them as _they_), Xander wanders through London until he finds something approximating the ocean.

It's just a small pond, in a small park, with small ducks quacking as they paddle along.

And he says goodbye.


End file.
